and the pickles

After almost two days of watching reality tv with my sister, I can say that I'm definitely dumber because of it. If they wanted to be accurate, they'd rename MTV and VH1 to "Drunk People Arguing 1" and "Drunk People Arguing 2" because all they show are reality shows, excluding VH1's top 20 video countdown every morning (which itself should be renamed to "Chicks In Bikinis Walking Away From You In Slow Motion or Gyrating Rapidly In Your General Direction") and the random annual awards shows. Anyway, they're both owned by the Viacom conglomerate, so i'm not surprised that their programming is similar.

My favorite altercation that occurred during this marathon of boob-tubery was on this VH1 show called "I Love New York" which is kind of like The Bachelorette, but if it were in the hood. New York is a woman who used to be a contestant on a show where contestants competed for the love of Flava Flave, which was kind of like the bachelor, but if it were in the hood. If you're sensing a pattern here, well, so am I. Anyway, New York gets all up in this dude's face yelling "Pootie! Tell me what she means to you!" accusing him of having a girlfriend at home, and yeah, dude's name on the show is Pootie. She's actually standing on the kitchen counter, then crouching down, yelling and pointing in his face. He yells back "I'm real! I'm real! She's my friend, yo! She's my friend!" This goes on for about 2 or 3 minutes, which is quite a bit of time to yell about "who's real" and "who ain't real" and "who never said you wun'n real". Finally she says "Case closed." then pauses and asks "We cool?". As Pootie goes back to doing the dishes, he says "I'm boppin lika lika lika burger king whoppa, baby. I can have it my way an' you can have it yours." She replies "I like mine with pickles, biatch!" which was like the ultimate warrior bodyslamming the macho man randy savage, but if it were in the hood.

It blew my mind.